by Chandroo D.
Here is an interesting conversation between me and my buddy. Let’s call him ‘Confused’ because that is how he looked like recently.
Confused: Why are women are so difficult to understand, my friend.
Me: What's the problem buddy? Having a problem with your girlfriend?
Confused: It is hard to understand her because her emotion changes so quickly. One minute she talks sweet-talk to me and the next she will be in my bedroom crying and tearing my shirt apart because I did not compliment her on her new face make up and hairdo. Choosing her and being with her for a long period, shouldn't her beauty be taken as acceptable? On the other hand, if she did look horrible for some reason, I would definitely alert her to shape up or ship out.
Me: Buddy, I have been married for almost four decades and I can tell you dealing with moody women is a total nightmare. Basically, an average woman is totally unpredictable. Know why the typhoons are named after women? Just as typhoons unpredictably change wind direction so do women change their mood and decisions in a similar way. One day they would agree to a holiday in USA and the next day they would contradict and claim they did not agree to USA, but instead agreed to a holiday in UK. They seem to be forgetful and indecisive on many important matters. One never knows what to say because anything you say can set them off.
Confused: Do give me some piece of advice my friend, because this crazy girlfriend of mine is driving me crazy too and I hate to be a candidate for a mental institute.
Me: Here is what you should do. Whenever, you foresee her tantrum erupting up gradually, fling a chocolate at her - lovingly of-course. Chocolates are foolproof way to change her mood. Always keep a Cadbury or a Dairy Milk bar around you as a protector and mood swinger. According to research, chocolate stimulates the production of serotonin, a chemical known as the “happy-hormone” because of its mood enhancing properties. It is magical and releases happy hormones to a women's brains. She will in no time be her cool self.
However, if she has already exploded with anger, don't say anything that can turn into a fight. Count to 10 and avoid talking of her friends, the house, her family or her. If you say “you look great honey”, she may respond with “no I don't, you idiot”. Don't' even compliment her on her sexy tight dress. She may retort by saying “are you saying I look fat, Mr Magoo?” If situation gets worse, best thing would be to change the topic and talk of the weather. It is one thing she won't be able to fight with you over.
Don't even think of getting angry or frustrated with her. Women are programmed to fight and she will just put her guard up and probably scream at you or throw your favourite wine glass or your gadget out of the window. At this stage it's best you calm down and quietly sneak out with your tail between your legs and head to the nearest bar and sing and laugh along with male company. Hopefully when you return she too has calmed down - but it's best to be armed with a tub of Haagen Dazs ice cream and some chocolates just in case.
One thing we have to accept is that women are lovable and we just cannot live without them no matter how an occasional ‘volcano eruption’ in them overacts. In a day or two, eventually they will come down to earth and cool off.
Confused: You are joking about the chocolate deal, right? I can imagine her throwing that too out of the window or at me! Considering what you say, what if nothing works?
Me: Simple buddy! Then all you do is .. 🎵hokey-pokey and turn yourself around.🎵 Probably by then she would be laughing away at your idiocy and forgetting why she was off-mood in the first place. As for me, in such a situation, I turn my deaf ear towards any angry bird and pretend writing a hilarious article.