Cool Coolie
by Chandroo D.
It’s dawn. I wake up and prepare myself to go out for my regular walk in the park. As I reached my lobby, thunder and rain greets me. Well! I decide, I might as well go to the indoor gym in my condominium today. As I am huffing and puffing away on the treadmill, in walks my cool friend, Thinny looking sad and tensed up. He is starting to stoop since I last met him a few months ago.
“Whatsup Thinny, why so sad?, I asked.
“Man, I am in deep pain! My back is aching! Feels like an Elephant is hunched on my back! As of now, I am going to start picking up some weights to strengthen my muscles to face the daily tough life”
“A man of your age, should not pick up weights, my friend. Not good for your heart”, I said.
Thinny sighs. “Please I would like to know from the ladies,what's up with them and heavy luggage. I mean my wife arrived a few days ago and I went to pick her up and I could swear she had some stones in her two bags. Crumbs! They were as heavy as a rock! I wonder if she was doing it on purpose just to punish me because I did not buy her a diamond pendant. Now her sister came into town and the same story. Very heavy luggage! I notice females tend to pack unnecessary pairs of clothes and its astronomical accessories. They would pack approximately 6 pairs of attires, shoes and handbags and then choose only one for a single occasion at destination. Why can’t they make a decision and an intelligent choice when packing and save a poor soul from a back pain?”
“To add to the burden - when overseas, additional new clothes and souvenirs are purchased and they try squeezing them into the existing fully packed suitcase which is just impossible - so additional new suitcases are bought” he complained.
“What about the hand carrying when she travels with you on the flight?” I asked.
“Don’t even let me go there, my friend” replied Thinny. “She carries a humongous Santa Claus bag of unnecessary things which she does not even use on the flight. The only thing she takes out from the bag on the flight is a small compact bag for her make up before arrival. The handbag is extremely heavy because it contains hard cover books, which are never read since she is engrossed in movies, numerous spectacles (one each for fashion, sun, reading and a backup) all types of cosmetics and jewellery, which she never wears on the flight. Pitying her carry such a heavy burden, the accompanying chauvinist - of course, me Lah! comes to her rescue as usual and carries it for her. Have you noticed my right arm is now longer than the left? I avoid playing ‘Ring a Ring O’ roses’ with my grandchildren lest they make fun of my odd sized arms! With the extra allowance we have with the airlines, I wish she would check-in the handbag too. To make matters worse, extra large handbags are in vogue now and I quietly walk away whenever she is looking at it in a showroom”.
“How about your luggage, Thinny? Surely, you too must be carrying a reasonable heavy one?” I asked.
“I carry only one regular sized suitcase, which is half filled. She takes up the other half part, packing her special foodstuff, medicines and vitamins. Man, I could open a mini 7-Eleven and a drug store with the provisions she carries, if we were ever diverted and landed on an isolated island” Thinny replied.
“Now that she is back, relax Thinny. Cool down and work out calmly” I said.
“It is the same on land my friend, when she is back in town”, he continues. “Yesterday afternoon, she asked me to pick up her laundry from the nearby mall, which is a 10 minutes walking distance and on the way also bring in coffee for her. Boy, was the laundry heavy as a rock too! There she goes, punishing me again. Laundry in one hand and hot coffee in the other, I staggered towards my apartment”.
“Have you heard or seen a coolie on the railway stations in India?” I asked. “Why don’t you hire one to lift the burden off your back?” Alternatively, I can amend your nickname to ‘Cool Collie”. With that taunt, I quickly escaped before cool Thinny could think of throwing a dumb-bell towards me!
